


What we had (was all we'd ever need)

by natxsteve



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AOU, AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers - Freeform, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), F/M, Hurt Steve Rogers, Marvel - Freeform, Marvel Universe, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, UST, andddda Natashaaa, natasha romanov - Freeform, otp, romanogers - Freeform, steve rogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-06 04:30:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5403038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natxsteve/pseuds/natxsteve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You reminded me once of my honesty, and so I did... I have said my part. And if you want me to further elaborate, then okay here you go... I have fallen for you. I like you and every ounce of me feel incredibly jealous when you're with Dr. Banner."</p><p>She couldn't believe it. God, was it really this painful when you hear someone unexpectedly confessed the way they feel towards you? To actually hear it coming out from one Steve Rogers, a man with good deeds and intentions with a great perspective in life falling to someone like her? It's considered a miracle for him to feel this way, given that he knew her history and what she's done in the past. She wasn't naive, she was just too blinded of what she's capable of. And one of them, was making Captain America fall in love with one Natasha Romanoff. Avengers: Age of Ultron. Romanogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Uneasy

* * *

_"But if you're happy, I'll get through somehow. But the truth is, I've been screaming out."_

  


* * *

For the nth time of the night, Steve Rogers found himself constantly thanking Sam Wilson for deciding to come to the party with him. Sam had been busy finding and tracing clues for their missing person for months, and Steve was grateful enough that despite such a hectic schedule, he still agreed to come.  
  
It sounded childish of him to have this sense of wary being alone. It was already given that Tony and Thor will be together, battling on whose girlfriend is better. Already given that Maria Hill and Dr. Helen will be together - talking about God knows what women talks about all the time. And of course, it's obviously given that Natasha and Bruce are together - and for once, Steve didn't want to be a part of it.

"Cap... earth to Cap, earth to Cap are you still there?" Sam guffawed, his elbow giving a soft nudge to that of his. 

His shoulders tensed, abruptly turning his head to his friend's direction - shamefully admitting the fact that the sight of Natasha and Bruce got him distracted - once again... for the nth time of the night. It wasn't a sight worth seeing, and it wasn't as if something special was going on every once in a while. It was all pure flirtation - that's what he likes to think, and for that reason it's okay. But his heart, his weak unexplained heart couldn't keep its steady beating to himself, and he bet Sam felt that too.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" A hand rubbing the back of his neck, and the other having a firm grip on the bottle as if he's contemplating to throw it some place else. 

Sam raised an eyebrow, tilting his head in amusement. Well he definitely knows what's going on in him.  
  
"You're distracted." He said, stating it as an actual fact.  
  
He turned his attention back to Bruce and Natasha, intrigued of what their conversations are all about. _What's taking either of them so long to part?_  
Most importantly, why in the world was Steve Rogers thinking of these? It's not as if it's his business to tell them what to do and what not to do. He may be the leader of this damn team, but why can't he fight the urge not to meddle in between the two? Being jealous is highly irrational, he's not in the right place to be acting this way when there has never been a label in this unexplained relationship he have with Natasha. 

He finally came to his senses, turning his head back to Sam - shadowing an expression of someone who's clearly not affected with God knows what's currently going on in his head right now. "Oh yeah- what makes you say that?" 

Sam laughed, "You really want me to state the obvious now?" He challenged, eyes landing to both Bruce and Natasha sitting on the bar below from them. 

Steve tensed, a hand raised with a gesture of surrender. "Look, it's not what you think...-" 

"What is there left for me to say?" He trailed off, hearing Steve sigh the minute Natasha leaned even closer to the man he's talking to. "You're jealous."

"Am not." He abruptly cuts him off. 

"Don't argue with me, man - you're not gonna win." 

Steve sighed in defeat as Sam placed a hand on his shoulder. "How long has this been going on?"

He rolled his eyes, his body pressed on the ledge as if he was dying to reach out to her. "I don't know, Sam - it just... came. The first time I saw them."  
  
  
Sam squinted, pressing for more answers and Steve slyly placed a palm on his forehead, as if what he had done was wrong. "The lullaby was supposed to help him remain calm, to let go of the Hulk and all... then it suddenly turned intimate, now it's just more than that."

He shook his head in disbelief, "C'mon man, Natasha's only flirting." 

"Do you even see the way she looks at him?" He asked, his tone masked with an intention of someone who's incredibly hurt. "I could tell cause it's different... when it's me."  
He raised an eyebrow and asked, "Steve, are you seriously going to believe that she's falling for him?" 

He nodded, taking a full swig of liquid down to his throat. It couldn't get him drunk, but jusy by thinking of her makes him intoxicated. "I don't see any reason why... I mean - Banner's a nice guy." 

"And you aren't?" 

"I don't know, Sam. Okay? That doesn't matter anymore..." He scanned the remaining contents of his beer, quite surprised to find out that it's almost empty - and not to mention, this was his eight beer of the night. And it's not even midnight. "I just want her to be happy." He whispered to himself.

Sam heard it, of course he did. As much as he wanted help his friend, he couldn't think of anymore reasons to say. It frustrates him, how he knew they badly deserved to be together, but both were just too stubborn to admit it. Steve already made the decision, and that's something he should respect. "So all those looks you shared back in my place..." 

"Nothing."

"To her, possibly... but to you?" 

His jaw clenched as his grip from the railing tightened. "I don't want to talk about it anymore, man."

Sam grinned, clasping his hand to his shoulder. "You know, when you say that - it feels like you're telling everything... And by everything means yes... you are affected."

He turned his head around until his back leaned against the railing. Neither Bruce or Natasha wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. He heaved a sigh and forced a tight smile on his face, "Maybe I am... but like what I said, that doesn't matter anymore." 

Sam scoffed, leaning back against the railing, his shoulder bumping with Steve's. "I just thought... you guys were ya know... something more."

Steve smirked, turning his head back around to take one look at the redhead from afar again. Natasha was laughing from down below. As her eyes were tightly shut and her hand placed on her chest, Steve couldn't control the rapid beating of his heart. The minute she opened her eyes once again, the first thing that she noticed was Steve gazing from upstairs. She knew it was her he was looking at, and so, managed a smile to the Captain. Steve waved back and turned to Sam, "Yeah, I thought so too."  
He gave one last longing look on her, nodded his head in reply to Sam and left. Of course Natasha saw the abrupt change of expression on his face... she couldn't help but follow him.  


* * *

After calling it a night to both Tony and Thor, he made his way back to the elevator to his floor. Just when the the elevator doors were about to close, a hand prevented it from doing so and pried it open, revealing one Natasha Romanoff with an unreadable expression across her face. Steve cleared his throat, avoiding her eyes as he leaned against one corner to give her space.

"Leaving so soon, Cap?" Natasha asked, eyebrows raised as if she was waiting for a challege. Just like Steve, she wasn't looking at him... it almost feel like she was avoiding his eyes too.

"Yeah. A bit tired, actually - " 

"Not buying it." She crossed her arms on her chest, shaking her head. She's a spy for God's sake, of course she knows when something's up. 

"Well you can assume anyway you want, all I know is - I'm going to bed." Steve ran a hand on his hair and took a few steps closer to the elevator buttons, "What floor?"

"To yours." Natasha pushed him aside and pressed the button, but not to his floor as to what he thought they'll end up in. Before Steve could even react, she went on and pressed the emergency button as the whole metal box came to a stop. She turned her head around as she came face to face with Steve whose face was filled with a shade of red. 

"What's wrong?" She whispered, frowning as if she was disappointed about their height difference. Steve wondered why until now she wasn't looking at him. 

"Nothing, okay? Now please step aside -" 

"I'm not asking you again." She reminded him sternly. And this time, her green eyes finally met with his. There was so much intensity by the way she looked at him, though he couldn't quite exactly interpret what's wrong. 

"You don't have to - I've already said my piece." He turned around to reach the elevator buttons but Natasha blocked him just before he can do so. This time, his face was merely inches to hers as Natasha began to walk, cornering him. Her sweet perfume intoxicating his whole system. 

"So you trying to avoid me and declining my offers are all nothing to you? I don't need to actually become a spy to determine when something isn't right." 

Steve scoffed, "We train the team everyday, Romanoff - " 

"And since when did you start calling me by my last name, huh?" She asked with arms crossed, ocean eyes lost in thought of what to say. 

She waited, anything it took to get an answer from him. But all Steve managed to do was to simply stare at her, features almost stoic. 

When Steve didn't reply, her arms let loose as she turned her gaze away, her back now facing him, disappointed. "You've always been honest. That's what you told me... How hard can the truth be?" 

He felt crushed. She still remembered, of course she does. He remembered the exact details that happened back in that day as well. It was the day where they've let their walls down and became open to one another. The day he knew there was so much more to Natasha, than what the eye perceives. The day he felt whole again... to know that in a world like this, there's always someone - someone who you can relate with. He may not share the same life experience as her, but she understands - and for that, he's eternally grateful. He had never felt this way before since Bucky and Peggy. 

She pressed the button as the elevator went into motion once again. With another press going to her floor. They rode the elevator in silence, Steve's hand clasped tightly with one another. He wanted to approach her, but he couldn't think of the right words to say no matter how hard he pried his head to think of something. At least something.  
When the elevator finally came to a halt, the doors opened revealing an entrance to her place.  
Without glancing, she began to step off the elevator when she felt his fingers grazing over her arm. "Natasha." He called her, finally. These words almost foreign coming from his mouth. She remained her composure and completely walked out from the metal box. 

"Good night, Captain."

The doors were this close from completely closing, when he spoke once again. "It's hard when you know feelings are involved." He said in a low and firm tone, making sure she's the only one who gets the message. 

And... She heard it, right until the last word. With a mask of curiosity on her face, she turned around to look back only to find out that the the doors has already closed.

"Steve..."


	2. Damaged Goods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the first chapter of this story!! Hope you don't mind me making a few changes in AoU. This is my take on how Steve x Nat should have happened. Enjoy!

 

* * *

 

_"While the floors underneath our feet are crumbling, the walls we built together - tumbling. I still stand here, holding up the roof... Cause it's easier than telling the truth."_

* * *

_Lost in thought_

_Agitated_

_Clueless, at some point._

Natasha has been struggling to get a decent sleep for tonight, Steve's words struck and kept replaying over and over again to her head like a broken record. There was something about the way he said it, the way he looked at her that made her toss and turn on her bed for the past two hours, or so she thought. She got up from her bed, leaning her back against the headboard and found out it was already 3 AM, almost 4 hours since they parted.

She wanted answers, she wanted to know what was bugging him for the past few days. Though she had something in mind, Natasha didn't want to assume and figured it's best to find the answers from Steve, himself. She absolutely cannot sleep in this state knowing there was something that needs to be fixed. She had to do something.

"Jarvis," She called out.

The A.I abruptly greeted in return, "Is there anything I can help you with, Agent Romanoff?"

Contemplating whether to say it or not, she completely got out of bed and reached for her phone on the nightstand, staring at Steve's number intently. For some reason, she still found it hard to believe that old man already has a cellphone.  
_Is he still awake?_

There was a chance he could be, this wasn't the first time she had a hard time sleeping. And when she can't, Natasha would most likely be whipping out some coffee only to find out that Steve was there beside the window overlooking New York city, sketching it's skyline. And often times, she would find him on the gym, doing his usual thing - and yes,

it's already been given that she would join him. But that rarely happens anymore, there is still a possibility that she won't see him, not until the following morning.

"Agent Romanoff - " Jarvis called, pulling her out from her thoughts. The redhead placed the phone back in her nightstand and grabbed the nearest clothing she could find to keep her warm and covered. And it happened to be Steve's sweatshirt, from one of their sparring matches she have forgotten to return them to him.

"It's all well, J. Thanks." Pulling Steve's sweatshirt over her head, the smell of him lingering, keeping her awake from her senses. She takes a deep breath and makes her way through the door.

* * *

It was dark and the air coming out from the vents was too frigid that Steve was surprised that it was this close to vanquishing the time he spent on ice. This was probably a lame mistake to get out of bed at 3AM in the morning but then he realized how much he badly wished drawing New York's sky line at this time around. With a pencil and sketchpad on one hand, he decided to make a short trip to the kitchen to whip up some coffee.

Thanks to Clint, he finally knew how to handle the coffee maker. It was complicated at first, he was so confused of why were too many buttons in the machine when coffee's made in one way. Well as far as he can remember... But then his mind goes back to the fact that this is the 21st century and almost everything you do is associated with a machine. Something that he must always remind himself. After a few fiddling through the coffee maker, he finally got things right in the way he wanted them to be. This was the first time he actually made it all by himself, without having Clint to come over to check up on him.

He took a sip and let the warm and refreshing taste of liquid burn to his throat, keeping him awake to his senses. After cleaning up, he grab hold of his sketchbook and a cup of his newly made coffee in his other hand.

It took only a few steps before he can make it to the window overlooking the sight of New York when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Can't sleep?"

The female voice so abrupt and literally came out of nowhere that he almost dropped the cup he's been holding. He turned to look around and saw the red hair with emerald eyes and pearl white skin glimmering through the dark and reflecting to the city lights from the glass window sitting on the base of the couch.

"Jesus, Romanoff. You just scared the hell out of me." He hissed.

"Language." She waved her hand dismissively, eyes still focused on the view in front of them.

He placed his cup and sketchbook on the coffee table and smirked. "Technically, that's not a bad word." He took a few steps closer to where she was sitting and his throat tightened, thinking of how beautiful she was through the moonlight. _Also not forgetting the fact that she was wearing his sweatshirt, ONLY his sweatshirt. Damn it_

"It is in my vocabulary. Deal with it." She tilted her head in amusement. He took a seat right beside her, not too close for their shoulders to touch and exhaled deeply.

There was a moment of silence between the two. Both were too busy staring at the skyline, Steve felt like tracing the outline of the buildings with his eyes and wished he didn't leave his pencil and sketchbook back on the coffee table. But then he was too lethargic to walk all the way there to pick it up again. _Oh who was he kidding?_

_He can't move a muscle because he was enjoying someone's company with him as of the moment._

"Why are you here?" He asked.

"I asked you first."

"Technically, you asked if I can't sleep--"

She cuts him off, "One more use of the word _'technically'_ and we might as well start a sparring session right here right now." Her eyes were steely and her voice sounded cold. It was the typical Natasha that he knew, but definitely losing the playful side.

His cheeks turned red and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I really planned on waking up early - to draw this." And also because of what you said earlier. He admitted, pointing directly through the glass window. She couldn't help but smile at the look of determination he put on in his face.

"Good choice, Rogers." She complimented.

"What about you?" Steve turned his head to her direction, not forgetting the part where he felt her shoulders tensed the minute he asked.

"Natasha." He called out. Hearing him say her name keeps her at ease, it was something that she missed for the longest time. She pinched the bridge of her nose and looked up again, facing him. "Couldn't sleep cause there was this man who talked to me regarding his 'feelings'"

His cheeks turned red and turned his head back to the window again. Much surprise that it was more enjoyable to stare at it than getting lost in Natasha's eyes. "About that... -"

"What is this about, Steve?" She bit her bottom lip, almost running out of patience.

"Don't even bother to ask, Nat. I bet you know by now."

"No, that's why I'm asking you."

"So much for telling me I was naive." He had no control when he said it, and of course she wouldn't let that get away.

"What's that suppose to mean?!" She stammered. Hands waving in exasperation as her eyes turned fiery with rage.

"Nothing." It took all his will to look at her once again.

"You're still a terrible liar." She mocked a laugh.

His jaw clenched. He walked closer and towered over her. Their noses almost touching and ocean blue eyes overpowering that of her emerald ones. "Doesn't matter. I doubt you'd still listen since everything I say is pretty pointless now. Doesn't it?"

Her eyebrows furrowed. "I-I don't under-"

"Stop acting as if you don't know anything, Romanoff." Oh yeah, he was definitely angry.

"Stop calling me Romanoff, you do know I have a name." She placed her hands on both of her hips. Eyes now glued to his chest heaving.

"For once, would you STOP changing the subject?" He hissed.

"I don't know what your problem is Steve, you might as well want to shed some light here to make room for understanding." She poked him hard on the chest with every word she said. He flinched and before she can pull her hand back, he grabbed her arm and pushed her on the wall on the far end of the room. The same way he did in the hospital the night after they thought Nick Fury died.

"You reminded me once of my honesty, and so I did... I have said my part. And if you want me to further elaborate, then okay here you go... I have fallen for you. I like you and every ounce of me feel incredibly jealous when you're with Dr. Banner."

She couldn't believe it. God, was it really this painful when you hear someone unexpectedly confessed the way they feel towards you? To actually hear it coming out from one Steve Rogers, a man with good deeds and intentions with a great perspective in life falling to someone like her? It's considered a miracle for him to feel this way, given that he knew her history and what she's done in the past. She wasn't naive, she was just too blinded of what she's capable of. And one of them, was making Captain America fall in love with Natasha Romanoff. The hair on her arms stood on end as her vision blurred It's not as if she disapproved of the whole confessing thing he managed to pull off. She wasn't that heartless to admit that she felt the same way back then, but those were the things that she forcefully buried as soon as she left him in that cemetery. Steve Rogers is a good man, and every single look that she gave him made her feel desperate, thinking that - that is everything that she needs, but that is everything that he doesn't deserve. He's been through so much, he doesn't need anymore baggage to carry through his life.

 _Which is why you have to understand. I simply can't._ She pulled up her defense mechanism and rolled her eyes, removing herself through the closeness of their proximity. "There must be some kind of mistake here, Steve - "

"And why would you say that?" He asked in disbelief, taking a few steps closer to where she's at. His hands fighting the urge to punch through a wall to make him feel something, to make her wake up from her senses. He was disappointed, frustrated the most - as to why Natasha can't seem to believe anything that he shared.

"This is just a waste of our time -" She urged on, a hand placed on his chest - making him come to a full stop when he attempted to scoot closer.

"Why are you pushing me away?" He went on, he couldn't interpret, nor find her reasons as to why she was making it look as if he's the most awful man on earth for following what his heart wanted.

He took a step back, expression hardened and a hand cupping the back of his neck. "Is this about Dr. Banner?"

 _No._ "Yes." She averted her eyes away from him. It was a lie, it was never just about Bruce - she was simply battling her own self.

"You say it's because of him, but you can't even look me in the eye." He trailed off, a sad smile etched on his face. "Do you love him?" He whispered in a hoarse voice, his heart skipped a beat with just the thought of it. He wanted her to be happy and yet he doesn't want her to belong to anyone else but with him. Great.

_No. Why is everyone in the team assuming that they were a thing?! It has never worked that way, not when the Hulk needed a lullaby, not when he needed to remain calm. Bruce Banner was a friend, just like everyone else in the team - what is wrong with being too close with a guy that needs helping?_

And besides, _love is for children_. She has already made this clear, even right in front of a god himself. This reminder rang in her head, even though being with Steve - made her disregarded the fact that such thing as love can be felt only to for the youth, that she doesn't deserved to have this sensation swept her off her feet with every smile he pulls off. He was an exception and she couldn't find the right words to say that to him. Every look he gave her just made her think that it was never going to work between them.

"No. It has never been that -"

"Then if not, then tell me. Cause I sure as hell deserve to know. Tell me, do you want this?" He chided.

With unsteady voice and shaky hands she finally managed to speak. "I- I'm damaged goods, Steve. You're too good for me, there is no way things could go steady between us.

"You should have known that the minute I declined on your offer to join you." _Cemetery, when she kissed him goodbye - of course.. How can he forget the day when he finally realized what he wanted?_

"We didn't even give it a try, what makes you say that?"

"If we did, I'll still know what would eventually happen to us. I made the right decision we didn't." She shook her head. She wasn't too proud of what she had done but there's nothing much left to say other than stating the obvious.

"You should know that it's not only you who gets to decide for the both of us" She gestured the space between them. Steve was pouring his whole heart out to the woman in front of her, but unfortunately he's not getting anything from return. At least for once, he wanted to see her tearing her walls apart and be open to him. For sure as hell there was more to it than what Natasha's telling at this very moment.

"Shouldn't you be happy that I've already made the decision?" She replied with sarcasm. She tilted her head, arms crossing on her chest. "Thanks to me you don't have to worry shit."

And she snarled, it was never her intention to be so stubborn and numb out of the blue. This was the only option she had for him to stay away from her.

Steve's eyebrows quivered, and within seconds he punched through the wall a few inches above her head. She was surprised but didn't show any emotion, but her heart was racing and the hair on her arms stood on end. He could easily tell she was afraid, and he never meant that to happen of all.

He didn't apologize for what he did, and it's not like she was asking for one. The only thing she can afford to do now was to stare on the floor, avoiding his hurtful eyes piercing through her. It was too much.

They stood there in silence, his arm still stretched out on the wall. He wanted to touch her, to feel her once again, maybe that could help. But his thoughts are too clouded, and suddenly, he lost all his willingness to actually bring her back. It was meant to be this way, he couldn't have her - not in this second life he has been already given.

He took a deep breath, and debated with the thought of actually touching her. He eventually gave in, because he's sure that this would be the last time he can ever have the privilege to do so. He slowly reached out to caress her chin, and she whimpered as her eyes closed. "You know for once, I actually thought that we were on the same page." She opened her eyes, just to let one tear fall through her cheek. Searching her eyes, he let his fingers glide to her bottom lip - shaking the incredulous thought of what it would taste like if given the chance to do it all over again. She fought the urge to touch him, and it burned so much not to. But there was nothing she can do now but stare and look at the mess she made for the both of them.

He slowly let go, walking a few steps back to pick up his belongings on the coffee table and left without any word.

_We were, Steve. We still do. I'm so sorry_

_So much for claiming how badly you wanted to fix this.._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone wants a happy ending, don't we? Will be posting the next chapter soon :)


	3. Intrusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm incredibly sorry for the super late update. I had some personal and college issues to attend to in the past month, but now I'm giving back by giving you a new chapter of the story! Good news, this isn't the last chapter of this fic. I've said it before that this will only be a three- chapter story, but I've had a lot of ideas running in me by the past month or so. :-) Thank you so much for reading and I'm hoping that you'll stick out for more.

* * *

_"Okay, who left a dent on my wall?"_

_"Nobody leaves a dent on my property!"_

_"Capsicle, was it you?"_

_"Couldn't be the big guy."_

_"Don't make me run a test or go through my surveillance feed just to find out if you're behind this or not."_

* * *

These words was all Natasha heard the whole morning. Either that or Tony groaning, his hands rubbing the back of his head in disbelief. Couldn't blame him. Waking up to find a huge mark on your precious property is not a sight worth seeing. Especially when you're clueless of who was behind it.

Who was he kidding? He was Tony Stark - he could have had asked Jarvis or went through surveillance with a flick of his finger to find out who was who. But she assumed that Tony already knew that it was Steve who caused the dent on the wall, he was just probably waiting for him to openly admit it to him. Sadly, Steve doesn't have any plans to.

She took a seat on the kitchen counter and made herself busy as she read the news from her tablet. Little did she know that Clint had been eyeing on her for quite some time now, his breakfast left untouched. He knows his best friend with his whole heart, and he knows when something isn't right. Unfortunately, right now - he couldn't exactly determine what was her problem. She seemed so rattled ever since last night. Note the fact that he also saw her leaving the party earlier than expected. Whatever that is, he wanted to confront Natasha, make her open up to him just like always. But she seemed so off lately, when before he could easily make her vent her feelings to him just by holding her hand to is.

She tried to distract herself as Tony went on and babbled, talking to Bruce as they began to examine the dent as if it was an art that needed to be critiqued.

_"You reminded me once of my honesty, and so I did... I have said my part. And if you want me to further elaborate, then okay here you go... I have fallen for you. I like you and every ounce of me feel incredibly jealous when you're with Dr. Banner."_

She closed her eyes tight, memories from last night came flooding back and never stopped invading her thoughts. Her heart ached, for Steve, for what she said, for breaking his heart. It's been haunting her for the rest of the night, and she didn't get any sleep at all even right after their confrontation. How was she going to live like this? Knowing that she was the one who broke him. That she was the person who've always been known as someone who's tough as nails, yet the same time, the same person who didn't have the guts to openly admit the way she felt towards him. How it was supposed to be a mutual understanding, that she felt the same way... that she have fallen for him too. She placed her elbow on the counter, her brain almost drained from thinking of him.

Clint pushed his plate aside and placed his palm on her hand. Natasha straightened her posture and realized his hand was holding hers. She masked her expression and faked a smile, tilting her head. "I'm fine -"

"Shut up. You know I'm not buying for that." He scowled. Damn right, he wouldn't.

Natasha ran a hand on her hair, having no idea of what to say. Clint has always been the first person to know when something ticks her off. But given in this situation wherein one of his friends is involved, she figured it would be best if this could only be between her and Steve. "Buying for what? I've got nothing to say." She defended. She raised the cup of coffee in between her lips as she studied his reaction.

Clint shrugged, "I just thought you had anything to do with the dent -"

"Why would I do - that's absolutely delirious." She stuttered. Clint eyed her for a long time, his expression almost unreadable. She bet he knew something was up, yet something was holding him back to actually saying it. She leaned forward, eyes locked on his and kept an innocent countenance to him.

With a sigh, he stood up from his kitchen stool and made himself a cup of coffee from the other side of the counter. She didn't drop her gaze on him, her emerald eyes were steely and cold but he remained calmed, and instead chuckled to the sight of his overly protective friend in front of him. All these years he'd gotten to know her didn't leave any room for him to be absolutely intimidated by her at all. When he finally finished preparing his coffee, he paddled his way back to the sink and washed his hands. As he was doing it, with his back faced on her, he spoke once more. "Not much like Tony, I went through the surveillance feed."

Natasha's face turned red in embarrassment, damn right he would - again. Clint turned his head back around to find Natasha avoiding his eyes this time. "You've been snooping around?" She asked, her throat tightened and her eyes, still not meeting his.

"I was only doing it for safety reasons." He defended so innocently. He wiped his hands with a towel, took a deep breath and made his way to her, close enough for him to raise her chin with his index finger. "Natasha." He pleaded her to look at him, and when she did - a hopeful smile spread across his face. "What was that all about?"

"I thought you saw the feed - "

"I was referring to what you did." He removed his grasp from her chin and took a seat beside her. "Why do you keep on pushing him away? The man is totally falling head over heels over you."

"I'm damaged goods, Clint. I can't give Steve the love nor the life he deserves." Tears threatened to fall from her eyes. Steve Rogers held a special place in her heart which is why it hurts too much to pretend.

"You know that's bullshit, right? Steve chose you, obviously not because of the fact that you are what you say you are. You're not damaged goods, Natasha - which is why you deserve someone like him. To show your worth, to show that you too, deserve the love that you chose to neglect." He trailed off, he ran his fingers through her hair and tucked a loose strand behind her ear, "Your past has nothing to do with who you are right now. He's not Cap and you're not the Black Widow. Try to forget that you both are humans, and just like any human being - you both deserve to love and be loved... Cliche' I know, but effective." He remarked.

She bit her bottom lip with the right amount of pressure to reprimand herself from breaking down at the moment. He was right. The million dollar question is, since when was he ever wrong? Through a short span of time, she had gotten to know Steve very well, his past, what he'd been through, becoming the Captain America, Bucky, Peggy - up to the person he was today. He became her partner, a friend and a confidante. He had been through so much pain after all these years, and she knew by heart that another burden wouldn't take back the life that was already taken from him. When she realized that she was getting too close to him, to the point that he invaded her thoughts everytime he's not around, Natasha knew that there was something she had to sacrifice and that was to simply let go. Let go of the thought of watching movies with him in the wee hours of the morning, kissing him anytime she wanted, holding his hand longer than intended, a family - she had admit that she did thought of this

"The only way this thing won't work is if you don't give it a try." He took a step closer and wrapped his arms around her, sometimes the warmth of her best friend was all she'd need to survive the day. "I want you to be happy, Nat... And I'm certain that Cap will give you more than that." He pulled back, got his cup from the counter and smirked. "Plus, he passed the look test - I could only imagine the babies you two will be having."

"Clint, I love you - but you're an asshole."

Natasha laughed as Clint waved goodbye and went back to his floor. She took a seat back on the counter and thought of ways to actually confront Steve the moment she sees him. She kept herself busy, as silly and unbelievable as it may sound, she tried to write the lines she wanted to tell him personally through her tablet.

_"Rogers..."_ _She rolled her eyes in annoyance, too damn professional are we?_

She changed it to Steve and decided to type once more. _"Steve... I'm sorry for being awfully rude to you last night. If you didn't yell at me and punched through the wall then this couldn't have gotten this worse. Plus, you owe Stark a wall and a duct tape to keep his mouth shut, cause the guy wouldn't stop blaming me for what YOU really did._ She ran a hand in her hair in frustration, _too much pride, way too much don't you think Natasha?_

She took a deep breath and deleted the entire sentence. Natasha then began to replace it with three simple words. _"I love -"_

Before she can fully type the word, the sound of the refrigerator door opening interrupted her. She put her tablet on lock and acted as if she was doing something else. She couldn't see the person behind the door from where she was seated and so she waited and hoped that the person behind wasn't Tony, because she had had enough of him and his talkative mouth for one day. A few seconds later, the door finally closed, revealing Steve with a water bottle in one hand. Her heart thumped and unconsciously pushed her tablet to the other side of the counter. He had just gotten out of the gym, wearing a simple crisp shirt and jogging pants, beads of sweat visible from his chest down to his abdomen.

"Good morning." Steve remarked. Eyes not meeting hers, his head bent down as he looked at his water bottle intently.

Natasha straightened her posture and cleared her throat. "Good morning, Steve..." She began to say, emerald eyes still desperate to find his blue ones, but failed. "I went to your room earlier and you weren't -"

"I was there since 5AM." He replied shortly.

She remained silent, her inner self battling if now was the right time to actually confront him of last night. Just when he was about to leave the dining area, Natasha called for his name. "Steve - "

He stopped walking, she noticed the deep breath he took before he finally turned his head around to look at her... And all she saw from them was pain.

"About last night..." Natasha began to say. Her hands were trembling as her heart raced.

"Forget it." He acted as if it wasn't a big deal, as if last night never existed. She knew it was just a form of defense mechanism but the minute he said it, it sounded so real.

Natasha shook her head in dismay and stood from her seat. She took a few steps closer and stopped right in front of him. Steve flinched, her scent invaded his thoughts. He stared at the floor instead, contemplated to walk away or not.

She raised her arms and began to explain, "You're angry, I know -"

"Captain Rogers,"

A woman's voice interrupted her, them - rather. Her hand crumpled to a fist, Natasha fought the urge of strangling the woman behind Steve. It took a lot of her will to actually call out for his name, let alone openly talk to him. But now that she finally saw a glimpse of the woman behind, all the momentum was just ruined and unexpectedly crumpled to dust.

A look of wary was evident through Sharon's eyes. Natasha crossed her arms on her chest and tilted her head, no other than the fact that she was definitely frustrated. Steve, turned his head around and gazed at Sharon, longer than Natasha expected. _And for some reason, you seemed more enthusiastic to look at her than me, great. Just great._

"Am I interrupting something?" _Do you really have to ask the obvious?_ Natasha muttered, her hands now planted on both sides of her hips.  
Steve turned his head around to take one look at Natasha, he then shook his head and smiled at Sharon. "It can wait." _Fuck it, Rogers._ "Right, Agent Romanoff?" _Okay, great now you're calling me by my last name again._

She forced a smile, "Yeah, sure. Why not?" Natasha replied, her jaw clenched.

"Do you mind if I borrow the Captain for a little while, Agent Romanoff?" Sharon asked, also not forgetting the fact that Natasha noticed her hand holding Steve's wrist... Since when did this ever happen? She asked so innocently, and Natasha wanted to crush the thought that she was doing it intentionally. Her heart sunk. She had no right to, he was never been hers - the first time around. Let alone, she shouldn't forget that she was the one who introduced him to Sharon.

"Sure. He's all yours... _like literally yours._ " She assured, and left without any word.

He saw the hurt in her eyes, he wanted to call her out - but Steve doesn't wasn't ready to face her yet, not after what happened last night.

"Everything okay?" Sharon asked.

Steve furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes still focused to where she went. "Just tell me about those new recruits Agent Hill told you about."


	4. Damn Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we're down to the second to the last chapter! Thank you so much for reading, for your kudos and reviews. I appreciate them all. 
> 
> Oh and btw, HOW WAS EVERYONE AFTER THE SECOND TRAILER OF CIVIL WAR? STILL OK?! It's going to be showing here on the April 27th and I doubt I'll be ready by then. For the meantime, enjoy reading! And do share some thoughts about the trailer too in your review if you like ;) 
> 
> This fic was inspired from Lady Antebellum's "All We'd Ever Need"

_It became their thing._

  
_How he would arrive to his floor from a mission with the smell of pizza lingering around the hallway._

_"Give it a few more minutes" That's what Natasha would always remind herself, the minute she heard the sound that the electric door has opened and yet the man of the hour hasn't showed up in front of her, it's either he took a quick shower or was in his own kitchen, whipping up bottles of beer in the fridge._

_"Wait for me." He silently plead to himself. He just finished his shower and was now in front of his closet picking the most comfortable clothes he can wear for the rest of the night. He stopped right in front of the mirror and found himself looking at his reflection longer than usual. It seemed so odd to be acting as if he was preparing for a date, when in fact he was not even close to eating outside, let alone leaving his floor._

_"I brought food." Natasha pointed at the boxes of pizza stacked on his center table, eyes glued on her tablet, completely lying to herself that the smell of a newly 'showered' Steve overwhelmed her._

_"You always do." Steve smirked. He placed the beers he got from the fridge right next to the pizza she brought and slumped on the couch, not too close for their shoulders to touch._

_The scent of Steve got her out of focus once again and she moved farther away from him until she was finally on the edge of the arm rest. Steve noticed the abrupt distance between them, also not forgetting the fact that she was still busy tapping on to God knows what they call them these days._  
_He sighed and got the piece of technology from her hand within a snap of a finger. Before she could even react, Steve interrupted her. "How was your day?" He asked, entirely changed the subject._

_She tilted her head in amusement and let him place her own tablet back on the table. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" She emphasized the words and scooted closer to him._

_"I absolutely have no idea what you're talking about -" He placed an arm behind the back of the couch, fingers itched to wrap around her shoulder._  
_"Maria told me you were with Sharon earlier." She remarked. A tone of delightment or jealousy? Natasha didn't know, nor does she had plans to know... Delightment, it should be._

_He chuckled, a hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Agent Romanoff, were you spying on me?"_

_"Don't flatter yourself, old man. I want the details." She got a slice of pizza from the box and took a mouthful bite._

_"There's nothing to talk about." He took a swig from his beer and got himself a slice of pizza too._

_"C'mon there's ALWAYS something to talk about..." She rolled her eyes, "Did you ask her out already?"_

_"I wouldn't ask someone I'm not interested with." He stared at the contents of the beer with full intent, eyes avoiding hers._

_"Oh c'mon Rogers - what's not to like about her? -"_

_"And what's not to like about you??" He defended. Her eyes widened, stunned and left her speechless at some point. She didn't know how to react, or even what to say back._

_When he realized what he exactly said, he shrugged it off and raised his eyebrows. "What's not to like about you.. on Lillian, on Agent Hill - " He went on, masked the expression of someone who was caught deer in the headlights._

_Her hardened expression quickly turned to a sly smile, relieved that he meant something else. "So are you saying you're into Hill?" Natasha teased. She propped her elbow on the back of the couch, the side of her face on the palm of her hand. They were now only inches apart, her sweet scent intoxicating his whole being. The last time that she was this physically close to him was when she kissed him in the cemetery, a few months back. Being this close to her once again, the feel of her breath that ran across his neck and these eyes never been deeper than before, he felt the sense of familiarity, leaving no room for intimidation. Instead, it left him craving for more. If he could just lean in closer -_

  
_He rolled his eyes as he got another slice from the table. "You know what - never mind. You'll never get it." Steve muttered, his gaze landed on hers, undistracted. His expression was filled with so much meaning, although Natasha had a hard time to decipher what exactly he meant by the way he looked at her._

* * *

"Rough morning?" Sharon asked. The sound of her voice ultimately pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Not exactly." He replied back shortly. She was concerned, he could feel it by the way she looked at her from the corner of his eye. There was nothing to talk about. Especially because of the fact that Sharon wasn't the problem in his current situation. It was wrong to be acting this way, most especially to be unintentionally cold and pissed for the rest of the morning, not when either one of them were just trying to help. It felt wrong to have this kind of behavior earlier when Natasha confronted him.

"I guess I interrupted something big between you two, didn't I?" Steve turned his head around to a different direction. Thinking, was there really something in there earlier with him and Natasha? Because he was sure to himself that he didn't want an apology from what happened last night. Not as if it's expected for her to do anyways. 

He wasn't looking for an apology. By some chance, he was looking for a sign or if lucky, a straight- up answer from her. This was the first time he openly concealed his feelings in front of a woman, he wasn't lucky enough to be given the privilege to do so years ago. And now that he finally let these words out, Is it normal to be feeling this way, the first time around? He was of course, relieved to finally let go a big part of him that he kept for quite a long time - but was it really worth it? Where could that eventually lead them to? ... Is he prepared for whatever that is she was about to tell him earlier?

"You love her." She said without a tone of curiosity but more on someone who was stating a fact. "Captain America and the Black Widow... I should have known better." She remarked, a smile tugging from the corner of her lips. He leaned his back on the edge of the table with his hands buried in both sides of his pockets. 

"Honestly, what's not to like about her..." She moved closer to him as she leaned on the edge of the table as well. "A strong woman, very passionate and well disciplined... Agent Romanoff can be stubborn at times too. Probably most of the time... She thinks she doesn't deserve to have all these luxury, given by what her past made her." 

"You've read her file." He spoke.

"And I'm assuming you've done it as well, right to the last details?" She was astonished, but not surprised - from the first time Sharon laid eyes on both of them, she knew there could be something more than what was literally there between the two. Natasha Romanoff reminded her of her aunt, Peggy. And she had no doubting or questioning to why

Steve fell for someone like Natasha. 

"That still doesn't change how I see Nat." He defended. 

She crossed the arms on her chest, as if summoning him for a challenge - she asked. "And what do you see - " 

"Everything I want to have." He finished her off, with no hesitation. With a tone indicating as if this was the only thing that he was sure of. The past few months made him crave for her presence even more. There were nights when he couldn't sleep and he would end up lying on bed, his thoughts occupied by Natasha. There were times he found himself, looking like a complete fool staring at her, longer than usual. Times when his arms were dying to hold her, everytime he suspects that there was something wrong. Right now, with all the years they've spent together, all the missions they shared and spent having each other's backs - he now couldn't picture a life without her, let alone, live a day without seeing her. When he thought he had given up on love, after losing the life that he was meant to live decades ago - there she was, unpurposedly went to his life and never left. As if it was all planned, as if it was fate that brought them together. Two broken souls that found something constant and new meaning into their lives. 

"I'm in love with her. I don't know if there's another way to put it." 

"Technically, there's none." Sharon teased, yet kept a straight faced. "I'm really happy that you finally know what you want, Steve... Peggy, will be so proud."  
_Peggy_. He furrowed his eyebrows, the thought of Peggy and all the memories they've shared was still vivid inside his head. The mere thought that he wasn't able to share his life with her made his heart ached. When Sharon sensed that Steve was thinking of Peggy, she placed her palm on top of his hand in assurance. "Peggy has lived a good life, she would definitely want you to live yours too." 

Steve slightly smiled, making a promise to himself that he wouldn't let Peggy down.

"Thank you, Sharon... for everything." He covered his free hand on top of hers. Sharon nodded in return and smiled, "Now don't you keep her waiting, Cap." She grinned. 

Steve nodded, he padded his way through the door and before he went completely out of sight, he turned his head around to inform Sharon that he would visit his best girl as soon as he can.

* * *

His heart was pounding, with every step he took on the way to her floor. His hands were shaking, indecisive to where to put them. He passed by the hallway leading to Tony's lab when he heard the man, himself calling out for his name. 

"Capsicle!" The man that Steve tried to avoid the whole day yelled out, pretty sure enough for everyone in the HQ to hear. He contemplated whether to turn his head around or keep walking, whatever Tony was about to tell him can wait. Right now, he needs to find Natasha. 

"Not now, Tony." He decided to keep on walking. Though he wasn't surprised as he heard the sound of his footsteps getting louder and louder till he finally caught up with him.

"In a hurry are we? Meeting? Date? Desperately looking for the nearest restroom? You can use mine --" 

Steve interrupted, "Do you happen to know where Natasha is?" 

"Yeah, Red left for a mission. She said she'll be back after 2 months -" 

"WHAT?!" He asked in disbelief. He came to a halt, emotions coming at him all at once. He placed a palm on the back of his neck, and paced back and forth - and around Tony, who still managed to have a smug expression on his face.

"Don't believe everything this guy says, she's in her floor Cap." Clint jogged past them, heading to the entrance on the gym.

He felt a sense of relief, yet at the same time frustrated by the fact that he fell to one of his tricks - for the nth time. "Tony - " 

"What? I was just trying to get back at ya because of what you did to my wall." He replied innocently, with his eyebrow raised. Steve heaved a sigh, ashamed of what he have done last night. It wasn't suppose to happen, yet he was in the peak of his emotions that he went completely out of control. Great. 

"So sorry about that. I will get back to you on that, Tony - I promise. -" 

He cuts him off and furrowed his eyebrows, "Doesn't matter, Cap. Just do me a favor and go after her." He ordered.

A smile formed in his lips as he placed a hand on Tony's shoulder. "Thanks, Stark." As Steve made his way through the steps heading to the elevator, Tony raised his hand dismissively.

"Yeah - yeah. As a matter of fact, it's about damn time!" He yelled in return and went back to his lab.


	5. Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've made it to the last chapter of this story! I actually thought I wouldn't be able to finish this, but hey - thanks to the CW trailer, I got a little motivation to complete this. Thank you guys for keeping up with the story, hope you'll enjoy this one as much as I've enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Warning: Major fluff ahead and a little of comic relief.
> 
> P.S Romanogers 5eva, Whedon. Remember that.

_"I should have said all the things that I've kept inside of me. And maybe, I would have made you believe - that what we had, was all we'd ever need._

* * *

 

Natasha was unsure. The only thing she knew was that she couldn't possibly stand to be in the same atmosphere as Steve for now. She's been on her floor the entire day, in her bed, her phone still in hand, waited and desperately pleaded that Maria Hill, anyone - would call her for a mission, any mission to keep herself distracted after all the events that happened ever since last night. Unfortunately, there have been no call or texts from Agent Hill. And if there was a mission, then it would always involve the whole team and not just her.

She inhaled deeply, her head drifted back to her brief encounter with Steve earlier. The Steve she saw down there, was not the Steve that she has known for all this time. As expected, after all that's happened, he tried to avoid her in numerous, most evident ways. Just when she was about to confront him, there she was - as if Natasha wasn't really there, as if Sharon was the one there all this time. It honestly pained her more than she'd expected it to be. To have this sense of jealousy and hurt, was something that she was never accustomed with. To experience it now, right in front of the person that she cared deeply about, someone close to her heart, was like a jab to her chest. _Fuck you, Rogers for making me feel this way._

_But why would she be this angry to him?  
_

She was the reason behind all of this. If she would have allowed herself to just go with it, just this once. To have the privilege to be loved, for the very first time - from someone whom she has gotten to know pretty well through the years. Then she wouldn't be as hurt as she is now. She wouldn't be sitting around and looking like a complete idiot, waiting for nothing. _  
_

And the fact that she was actually the one who forced Steve to call Sharon made it completely irrational for her to be this way. Natasha have felt pain in so many instances in her life, so many that for some reason she has turned numb through most of them. But this time, with Steve - it felt like a part of her has completely died, as if she has lost him forever. She held her pillow tight, like a child recovering from a nightmare - a tear threatening to fall from her eye.

 _It's okay, Romanoff. No one's going to see you._. She told to herself, and so she let one tear slide, then came another - uncontrollably, a soft sob came, she let that slide either. Assurance that no one was going to hear her.

If this is what love felt like, if love was like being involved in a mission everytime. Then she had no idea how she'll survive. The pain in the heart was the most unbearable of all. She took a deep breath, leaned her head back on the headboard and wiped the tears away. _You deserve a break_

_You don't have to be here._

_If they'll be needing you, they'll eventually call.  
_

_Stop beating yourself up, Natasha_

She got up from the bed, pulled her shirt off and changed to a white tank top with a matching navy blue hoodie. She picked up her phone from her bed and the car keys on the nightstand and padded her way through the door. _  
_

When she opened them, there he was. Standing in front of her was Steve Rogers, with an unreadable expression in his eyes. Her pulse quickened, but she remained her composure, the grip from her door tightened and threatening to close it again.

No one spoke, both too busy gazing at each other's eyes. Steve noticed her eyes were swollen, and he no longer need to assume if he was the reason why she's seen in this state.

He took a step forward, implying that he wanted to come inside her room but she blocked him completely. Her eyes were dull and he could easily tell even when her eyes turned south.

The tension was too much, she could no longer breathe properly - there were so many things she wanted to say earlier, but now that he's standing right in front of her, all of it disappeared to thin air.

"Natasha." He spoke. _Okay, it's good that you finally know I have a name_.

"Why are you here?" She asked. A tone that was not something he expected coming from Natasha, herself.

He noticed the keys and phone in her hand, "Where are you going?" He asked.

 _Anywhere but here_. "I'm just going for a short drive, now if will you ex- "

Within a flicker of hand, he pushed her back inside the room. Hands having a firm grip on her arms as he trapped her on a wall.

"You're really into this style, are we Rogers?!" She remarked with sarcasm. She fought from his grip but eventually failed. "We don't push ladies into walls in this generation. Let me go." She warned him.

And so he did. It was expected that it would be an extreme challenge to corner her to one place, he didn't mean to physically harm her in the process. He was just unsure of how to approach someone as stubborn as Natasha. She ran a hand on her hair, frustrated and trapped. She furrowed, and finally had the courage to look in his eyes. _Wrong_ _move_ , _Natasha_. _Way to go_. His ocean eyes leaving a strong emotional effect on her. "What do you want?" She asked.

"I want us to talk."

"Well we're doing it now, aren't we not?" She tilted her head in sarcasm. As annoyed as Steve was, he kept mum about it.

"What were you about to tell me earlier?" He defended back.

She turned her head to a different direction in avoidance to meet his eyes once again. She obviously couldn't lie now, even if she have missed her chance - he had the right to know.

"What about it?" She implied that it meant only nothing from him by the way he asked, as if it didn't affect him as much as it left a permanent damage to her. Maybe it was too late to settle things down the way she wanted it to be.

She waved her hand dismissively, "You know what, that doesn't matter anymore. Maybe _Sharon_ can, why don't you go to her?!" She poked his chest with her finger, pulling of a facade that she would always do to mask the hurt.

A sly smile formed his lips, "Wait - wait, why is Sharon involved in this?" He asked, innocently.

"Well isn't she involved with you?!"She stammered with her eyebrows raised.

He crossed his arms on his chest and chuckled. " _Wait_ , are you jealous?"

She turned red with embarrassment. And it's quite funny, because at the same time, tears started forming in her eyes. "I am _fucking_ not, Rogers. I'm just saying, I was amazed of how you left me out there." She trailed off and wiped a tear before it fell on her cheek. His smile faded, his hand found its way to hers, but she pulled away slowly. "And also... I was amazed by how I easily got affected by that. I kept thinking to myself, maybe that's how you felt when you've seen me with Bruce... and now it's understandable. Karma came too fast, I guess I've missed a window."

"Who said you did?" He asked. A soft smile forming through the corner of his lips.

His finger grazed the tip of her chin and caressed it slowly. He leaned closer, until they were now only inches away from each other, his warmth radiating her whole body.

He wiped her tears gently, and pulled back a little, giving enough space for her to take a deep breath. "A year ago, you asked me to be your friend. That was all that I signed up for. That was all that I can be, to you. That was the only thing I knew of, Steve." She spoke in a hoarse whisper.

"You forgot one more thing you were capable of... the part when I fell for you." He whispered. A hand cupped the side of her jaw, gesturing her to look at him. "I'm in love with you, Nat. I have been for the longest time. No matter who you were, who you are, and who you'll be in our future.

 _Our_   _future_. These words were like a breath of fresh air. Something that she tried to avoid all these years, something that she dreaded the most. She had never thought about this, thinking that it was all pointless to jump right through the details and fantasize about the things that are too far from happening. She have always seen herself as an outcast, someone who was simply fine of being alone - and there goes Steve, talking about it as if he has already planned the whole world with her in it. It was inevitable. Surreal.

There he was all so perfectly and genuinely making her feel special, making her feel whole again - a part of her that she has never seen in herself. She was never even been close to loving herself, of who she was and her flaws. _How can you_ _not love_ _him_ , _the_ _way_ _he is_ , _now_... _to you_? For someone who's as strong as Natasha, she was still afraid.

"You've seen me right through the deepest, most darkest parts of my being. I can't let you sacrifice this perfect life you already have, Steve."

"Who said anything about a perfect life? Neither of us have it... but we can make it right, together." He kissed her knuckles tenderly, eyes never leaving hers. "Me seeing you with Banner, you seeing me with Sharon - all these unexplained things we felt at those moments.... I think it's our sign, that maybe... we need each other." _That maybe, you_ _love me too_. He left these words on the back of his mind. He leaned closer and pressed his forehead on his, her body trembled slightly by the sudden proximity. "We don't have to rush, given at our situation right now - I'm willing to wait."

With his head pressed on hers, he felt her tears streamed down her face to his cheek. He was blessed to witness another side of Natasha that he never known. Aside from a pretty face, hard, strong and kind - you could say these are all just a bonus as to why anyone would fall for someone like her. But her vulnerability, everything that he's seeing now - is everything that he'd dreamed of having in a woman. What on earth did she do to have him? She knew by heart she doesn't deserve this. Having Steve as a friend is already enough, but to open a door to start a relationship with him... that she didn't expect. Clint was right, hell - everyone who has teased her with Steve these past few months were right about one thing... It's time to let go of the past, mentally stop herself from thinking that it has shaped her to the person she was today. Maybe it did, at some point because it made her stronger, it has made her wiser in terms of her personal decisions in life... but most importantly, it made her long for something deeper, something that she would want to keep for herself... love - she seemed to have missed it. She has always thought that love is for children, an exaggeration, an eternal puzzle that she knew nothing about. But everything changed when Steve came in the picture, right now it wasn't just a fabrication of a perfervid imagination - this is reality, and in reality... she was simply falling in love with the man under the shield. Maybe it's the time to let it take her, with him, in his arms... to his heart.

She flung herself to his neck, wrapped her arms tightly around him. As if she thought that he could disappear right from her very eyes. He felt her chest heaving deeply, and so he laid his hand on her back and the other locked around her waist. "I love you... I'm so sorry, I honestly don't know how to let you know that I do, and I always have."

Tears formed in his eyes, a mixture of emotions coming to him all at once. It was all that he ever hoped for. _All that will ever be_ , _from now_ _on_. He pulled back softly, and she stirred. She found herself smiling at the sight of Steve in tears. They found themselves laughing for no reason, as both of them wiped each other's tears away. He held her face between his hands, and looked longingly at her beauty. In return, she clasped her arms around his neck, pressing her body on his. "I don't want to wait anymore, whatever situation we'll end up in - I would want you to be there, with me. As I'll be in return." She said in a muffled voice.

"I'm cool with that." He smiled, unable to find the right words in an overwhelming situation. With her face still in his hands, he leaned closer and took the opportunity to do something that he was dying to do ever since. He kissed her.

This time, it was longer, more passionate, and he enjoyed every bit of it. The kind that will definitely linger til the next day. She was surprisingly captivated by what his mouth can do, and so she kissed him back as she let his tongue grazed at her bottom lip. She chuckled and pulled back a little, his pupils now dilated and had his huge smirk on his face, as if he highly achieved on something. There is, actually.

"Wow, how much practice have you had Rogers?" She mused.

He scoffed, and pressed her body back on the wall. He pinned her arms on top of her head and leaned closer, "Believe me, the last kiss I've had was still with you in that escalator." He was surprised of himself as well, given that he had less experience and practice especially when it comes to women. But then again, it's different when it's Natasha.

"Likewise, lover boy." And with that, her lips met his once again as they take themselves to a new thrilling ride, one where it's them against the world.

She lied. She definitely like being pushed to a wall - as long as it was Steve who was pressed on hers.

* * *

 

"C'mon now Jarvis! Let me in on the system." Tony pleaded. His hands clasped together. Bruce, Clint and Maria arrived at the lab, with shared looks of annoyance on their faces.

"I don't think Natasha would like that, Tony." Bruce warned him, Tony rolled his eyes as he began to tap on the screen, trying his best to hack in the surveillance feeds.

"Bruce, we are in a matter of a life and death situation. Unfortunately, my AI here, who I'VE designed myself wouldn't understand that." He ran a hand on his hair, frustrated. Believe it or not, it was actually a hilarious sight Clint enjoyed.

"Mr. Stark, Agent Romanoff requested not to disclose the surveillance feed from her floor months ago." The AI remarked.

"For what?" Tony asked.

"For privacy purposes." Maria Hill arched a brow, stating the most obvious reason.

"From you, actually." Clint grinned.

"Oh c'mon, I've installed surveillance in every room in this HQ." He stated as he tried to hack into the firewall Natasha built. Maria gulped, her head drifted back to what happened a few weeks back when Thor smashed a surveillance camera from his floor, proclaimed that the sight of it observing his every move annoyed him to death. Another dent on the wall that Tony knew nothing about.

"Give it a rest, Stark. I think Cap and Tasha are getting along just fine." Clint assured.

"I know Legolas, I just want to see it from my very eyes - real details, you know what I mean?" Tony winked. His hands tinkered in excitement as he squirmed on his seat like a kid.

"Okay, Stark. That's both flattering and disgusting at the same time." Steve's voice popped out of nowhere. Everyone in the lab was surprised as they turned their heads around to find both Steve and Natasha, leaning against the wall with their fingers interlaced with another, a smirk etched on Natasha's face.

Clint gave a thumbs up and grinned, Maria was gleaming with pride, surprisingly Bruce was smiling as well and Tony was... well he had this horrific look on his face that neither of them can explain, but at least he had it all figured out that he was in trouble for messing with the two. 

-x-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading! Let me know what you think by dropping some reviews on your way out. Till next time!


End file.
